


i can't (without you)

by darkangel0410



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Sharing a Bed, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel0410/pseuds/darkangel0410
Summary: Willy feels like he’s slowly going crazy and he’s afraid he’s in too deep to ever be sane again.





	i can't (without you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is all because Alex Nylander showed up to the Sabres prospect camp looking hot and smug.

It’s not that Willy doesn’t know how weird it is that Alex still ends up sleeping in his bed most nights. He knows most brothers don’t share beds unless they have to, but he and Alex have always been close. 

For as long as he can remember, they’ve shared a bed; he thought for a while that once they got older that one of them would have stopped, but they don’t. It’s normal for them to go to sleep in the same bed and wake up wrapped around each other; Willy’s fallen asleep listening to Alex’s quiet breathing more times than he can count and once they start playing in different places, it’s not something he takes for granted, either.

He knows it’s not normal, how close he is with Alex, but given a choice between being normal and Alex, he’s going to choose his brother every time.

*

Willy’s so proud when Alex gets drafted to the Sabres; he wants to hold onto him for longer than the few seconds he gets before Alex is striding down to the stage and pulling the Sabres jersey on.

Alex poses next to Murray for the cameras and he doesn’t stop grinning the whole time; he looks up at where Willy’s sitting with their parents and sisters, still smiling, and waves before he gets ushered offstage to do interviews.

It’s not until later, when they stumble into Willy’s hotel room, drunk and laughing, and collapse onto the bed, that Willy tells Alex, “At least we’ll be close next year, if you were too far away…”

He trails off, but Alex makes an understanding noise and throws an arm over WIlly’s waist; he kicks his sneakers off, sending one banging against the far wall, before he tangles their legs together. “I‘m glad, Willy, I don’t want to wait forever to see you.”

Alex falls asleep first and Willy’s awake for only a little longer before he passes out, too.

*

It’s not like Willy didn’t _know_ that the relationship he had with Alex was different from what most people had with their siblings, but he told himself that it was still brotherly, the feelings he had for Alex.

He made himself believe it, too, right up until he woke up one morning in the summer with Alex spooning him and Alex’s morning wood pressing against his ass and his first instinct was to move into it, instead of getting out of bed as fast as he can.

It only last for few a few seconds before Willy freezes; he could tell himself that he was half-asleep all he wanted, he _knew_ it was Alex behind him, and he had still pressed closer. Willy tries to move without waking up Alex, just to put a little bit space between them.

Alex stirs then and Willy steels himself for the moment Alex somehow realizes what happened and gets up, and _leaves_ , but Alex pulls Willy back until they’re pressed against each other again and kisses the back of Willy’s neck before he says, “Go back to sleep, Willy.”

Willy’s not sure how long he lays there, his heart racing, before he forces himself to relax, he tells himself it was a mistake, just an accident, both of them too asleep to realize what happened.

He eventually dozes, but it’s fitful and filled with dreams he doesn’t want to remember when he wakes up later on.

Alex is already gone and for once, Willy’s glad to be alone.

*

It doesn’t happen again for almost a week.

Things were normal between them in the intermediate days; Willy was wary at first, holding himself away from Alex’s easy affection, startling every time Alex touched him. Which, Willy realized, was a lot: friendly elbow jabs, a hand on his shoulder or his lower back, their legs pressed against each other. Alex was always touching him and Willy could see how natural it was for him to respond in the same way.

WIlly shook it off after a few hours, by the time he fell asleep to Alex’s quiet breathing, that morning seemed like it was a distant memory, barely real.

It’s easier the second time to fall back asleep, to tell himself that it doesn’t matter, that it’s just a coincidence and it doesn’t mean anything.

After the third and fourth time, WIlly barely notices it anymore. Except for when he does. Except when he catches himself thinking about Alex when he’s jerking off.

Except for when he watches Alex throw his head back when he laughs and wonders what it would be like to kiss his throat, bite his jaw, see Alex on his knees with Willy’s dick in his mouth.

Willy feels like he’s slowly going crazy and he’s afraid he’s in too deep to ever be sane again.

*

Willy wakes up and it’s still dark out, the house is quiet and still, and he doesn’t know what woke him. It takes a few seconds for him to realize that Alex is laying on top of him, his hand on WIlly’s stomach and that he’s hard, his dick pushing up against his boxers.

His dream comes back to him then: the two of them in the shower, Alex pressing him against the wall, water falling on them while they kissed. It’s not the first dream he’s had about Alex, but the way they’re laying down tonight makes it impossible for Willy to get out of bed and go jerk off in the bathroom.

“Willy?” Alex murmurs, waking up a little; he pushes up on one elbow to look at Willy, but he keeps his hand where it was, the warm press of his fingers makes Willy swallow, his mouth dry. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Willy tells him; he shifts away from Alex, just enough to broadcast his intention to get up and adds, “I just need to piss, I’ll be right back.”

Alex raises an eyebrow and drags his fingers down to rest on the waistband of WIlly’s boxers. “You could just stay here, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Alex,” Willy says, his voice rough and uncertain. Neither one of them have talked about it before, about any of this. They just acted like nothing had changed and Willy wasn’t sure he wanted to change that.

“I’ll close my eyes if you don’t want me looking,” Alex says, glancing down to where Willy’s dick was still pressing against his boxers and smirking. “Even if I think different.”

Willy recognizes that tone of voice and the look in Alex’s eyes, the curve of his lips; Willy’s seen Alex pick up at bars and parties since they were teenagers, he _knows_ that look on Alex’s face. His stomach tightens and Willy can’t help the shaky breath he takes when Alex pulls at his boxers, lifting it enough that he can rest his fingers underneath it, so close to where Willy’s thought of him touching. 

“Alex,” Willy repeats breathlessly; he keeps his hands fisted in the sheet under them because he doesn’t trust himself to not grab onto Alex and pull until he’s pinning him to the mattress. And whatever this _thing_ between them is, it feels new and fragile and Willy doesn’t know what the play here is. “This isn’t normal, you know that.”

“So?” Alex scoffs and rubs his thumb over the skin of Willy’s stomach; he dips his head down to press an open mouth kiss to WIlly’s shoulder, looking up at him through the hair that falls in his face. “What matters to me is what you want and if it’s the same thing that I want.”

Willy licks his lips and he notices the way Alex’s eyes drop down to his mouth; he can admit to himself that he wants this, has wanted it since he woke up the first time with Alex’s hard cock pressed against him. Willy never thought it was mutual, that Alex was trapped in the same feelings he was; finding out that Alex wants the same thing is as exhilarating as it is terrifying: this will change _everything_ about their lives, about their family, even if they’re the only ones that ever know.

After a few more seconds, Willy relaxes back onto the mattress and nods, making sure he meets Alex’s eyes. He can’t help the way he smiles when Alex grins: it lights up his whole face and Willy has never been able to not be happy when Alex was. 

Alex touches the side of WIlly’s face and leans down to press their lips together; it’s amazing and strange, but still somehow familiar, like even doing something like this, he knows what to expect from Alex.

Alex bites his lip when he pulls away, both of them breathing heavy. “Can I?” he asks, his fingers playing with the elastic of WIlly’s boxers.

“Yeah, I -I want you to,” WIlly tells him, his voice rough; his breath hitches when Alex pushes his boxers down and he lifts his hips so Alex can work them down his legs and he kicks them off.

Ales shifts around until he’s sitting in between Willy’s legs and he runs his hands up Willy's legs until Willy stretches out, legs spread as far as it’s comfortable and Alex’s hands are on the inside of his thighs. Alex just looks at him, his hands a warm weight against Willy’s skin that he was hyper aware of.

“You ok?” Willy asks after Alex doesn’t say anything; Alex looks fine, but Willy doesn’t want to take anything about this for granted.

“Yeah, it’s just a lot,” Alex tells him, smiling at Willy when he nods in agreement; it’s intense and scary, so different from what they were at the beginning of the summer, but that doesn’t mean that Willy doesn’t want this now that he knows it’s a possibility. And he thinks it’s the same for Alex. “Can I watch you, please? Just for a little bit, I want to see…”

Alex trails off and Willy nods in agreement almost immediately; he’s never been able to deny Alex much of anything and it’s strangely comforting to know that tendency transferred over into whatever they were becoming now.

Willy licks his palm and gives his dick a few loose strokes before he starts in earnest; he tries to jerk off like he would any other time but he’s so aware of Alex being right there, can still feel Alex’s hands on his skin, that he was to work to keep himself from finishing too quickly. Willy’s always liked being watched, admired: Alex isn’t the first person he’s jerked off for before, but Alex’s presence lights up Willy’s nerves, makes everything seem _more_ , bigger and brighter than it usually is. 

Willy slows his strokes down, squeezes the base of his cock and then drags his fingers up to play with his foreskin; it’s a lot, the pleasure from it intense, and it makes his legs shake. It’s not something he does every time he jerks off because it makes him feel almost too vulnerable, but he wants to give this to Alex, wants to be open and wrecked here with his brother.

Alex makes a rough noise when Willy pulls back his foreskin and squeezes the head of his dick, his hips pushing up into it. “Still ok?” Willy asks breathlessly, starting to speed up his strokes, pausing to squeeze around the head every few seconds. He’s close now and Willy’s greedy enough that he doesn’t want to wait for his orgasm any longer.

“Yeah, I just,” Alex pauses for a second, moves his hand from Willy’s thigh to adjust himself in his boxers and Willy can’t help the low moan he lets out at the sight, speeding his hand up even more. “Shit, Willy, I do the same thing, I always squeeze like that when I’m close.”

Willy comes, the reminder of how similar they are to each other sending him over the edge, and it’s intense, it makes his toes curl with how good it is. He feels slow and lethargic, almost exhausted with how amazing he feels right now.

Willy blinks open his eyes when he hears Alex curse and sees Alex jerking off, boxers barely pulled down enough that they’re not in his way; he reaches out for Alex, half-sitting up to grab at his arm and pull him until Willy’s laying back down and Alex is covering him.

“Fuck, Willy,” Alex pants out, his voice strained; he moans when Willy runs his hands down his back.

“Come on, Alex, I want you to,” Willy tells him, pressing a kiss to his jaw; Alex tenses up, his eyelids flutter shut and his mouth hangs open and Willy feels wet warmth hit his stomach and chest. Alex collapses on top of him, completely spent, and presses a wet kiss to Willy’s neck before he sighs happily.

Willy plays with Alex’s hair absently, unsurprised when Alex’s breathing evens out; he’s falling asleep, too, sleep dragging him under like it usually does after he comes.

They’re sticky and gross, but Willy lets himself fall asleep without cleaning up. He thinks they can probably share the shower in the morning.


End file.
